Caught in web

Okay this might be the weirdest post that I’m gonna write.Its half past midnight and here I’m reminiscing about the day. It was a day covered in shades of black and white with a lot of grey areas. Being someone who speaks out my mind if something goes wrong ,I’m considered a complaint box by one of my Assistant Professors here but I don’t mind being called one because that’s what my mom called me back when I was four and spying on my brother’s works in school. It’s just that, I like a bit of investigation.

Some events in the evening gave me a heartache.

To be honest , I like honesty. There is something with me and lies. I’m scared of lies because I know that it always has a way of coming back at us and more importantly right from childhood my mom did insert deep inside my heart that even if I had to die I should not leave the path of truth. And all I can say is I try my best but yes I do fail too.

So coming back to the evening , I fell in a small web of lies left right for me by someone I trusted with my heart. It took me time to realise that it was a lie and deep down in my heart I did forgive her. But then somewhere I knew that it would not be the same. The next time I face her I might not be able to keep my happy face in front of her or at least my true happy smile.

I was thinking about this. Over and over. Why would I not be able to be okay with her though I forgave her. And I realised that the relationship has lost its meaning. And I wondered what would heal that sorrow. It came slowly to me that if only she would openly speak to me and tell me the truth , I knew that I would be happy to forget everything and be back in my friendship.

And it’s then that it hit me. That’s exactly what happens in confession. I open my heart to Jesus and tell Him the wrongs I have done to Him. I ask for forgiveness and He forgives me, forgets my sins and heals my relationship with Him which I strained because of my sins.

I don’t know what this post is meant for.

I don’t know if this is a reminder for you to open up the truth to a person with whom your relationship has been strained or if this is a reminder for you to meet our dear Lord in the confessional so that He may help you get back in relationship with Him.

Whatever it is , I hope that this post helps you to do what is right.

“For nothing is hidden that will not be disclosed, nor is anything secret that will not become known and come to light.” Luke 8:17

Da per matrem mei venire.

Junk

I do not know what is the real reason for the pain.

Is it that I’m no longer who I was or was I ever whom I thought to be.

Weird as it sounds it’s something that’s bothering me.

The change has been bothering me.

The positive axis of change is always wonderful where you are up the trajectory to what you have been made for.

But then there is the negative axis which is pulling you down and away from what you are destined to.

I accept that both trajectories come and go in life though the duration may vary depending on the strength of trust in God but one thing I have got a clear picture about is the fact that the negative axis is the place I don’t want to spend much time in.

All along worried about what would happen, what could happen and what will happen I forgot to realise that all I’m doing is drowning myself in unnecessary sorrow, a huge amount of junk leading to an unhealthy mind and body.

I need to clear that junk.

The junk I’m drowning in.

The junk of unhealthy food.

The junk of improper thoughts.

The junk of unhealthy friendships.

The junk of unnecessary emotions.

The junk of inappropriate perspectives.

The junk of irrelevant wanderings.

The junk of uselessness defined.

It’s time I dump the junk.

I’m not here writing very often and it’s not because I’m busy with the exceptional performance in my career but rather it’s because I’m lost in the junkyard.

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.”(Psalm 51:1)